Rishi Moneybags is on course to announce a multibillion-pound financial package to help with the Cost of surviving the Fascists on Thursday, just a day after the anticipated Sue Gray report, Murdoch Snooze News understands.
The chancellor is meeting with Prime Shit Stirrer Bojo Johnson tomorrow to sign off the package, which could include a new windfall tax, help with fuel bills and assistance for the most vulnerable.
The Bumbling Wanker is understood to be very keen to be able to announce the significant spending package before MPs disappear for the recess after Thursday.
Previously it had been expected in early June, after the Queenie Luv’s Platinum Luvvly Jubbly.
The Bumbling Twat is understood to be hoping this will take some of the sting out of the partygate report by Ms Gray, which is expected on Wednesday.
This will prompt loud accusations that he is using the spending announcement as a “dead cat” to distract the country and his MPs from criticism, but the government will argue that inflation and growth forecasts make delay unwise.
The package is understood not yet to have been agreed. Any disagreement between The Bumbling Wanker and Mr Moneybags over the contents could still delay it.
Mr Moneybags told the CBI to prioritise the most vulnerable, but The Bumbling Wanker will be keen to do everything he can to pacify his backbenchers who have come up with multi billion pound demands for everything from benefit rises to VAT cuts.
Two weeks ago, Murdoch Snooze News was told that there would not be enough information on the likely cost of energy in the Autumn to make a judgement before July.
However, today Ofgem’s chief executive Jonathan Brearley announced Little Britain’s energy price cap is expected to rise in October to around £2,800, an increase of £830.