The Prime Shit Stirrer struck a “solemn” tone as he dealt with the “excruciating” findings of the Sue Gray report in a meeting with his backbenchers.
The Bumbling Wanker admitted it had been sobering to have a “mirror held up” over the illegal boozing in Upping Street during the pandemic.
A party source said The Bumbling Wanker told the 1922 committee of backbenchers: “I got things wrong, I’m ultimately responsible.”
But the Bumbling Twat added: “I don’t think we can afford to have a second longer on this. I hope from the bottom of my heart we can now address the big issues.
“We need to stop talking about Westminster and start talking about the people who send us here and the issues that matter to them.”
The Bumbling Twat reviled he had apologised in person to custodians and cleaners in No10 for the “disgusting” treatment they had suffered at the hands of some former members of staff.
The insider said the mood in the room had been “pretty supportive” and there was a general feeling that colleagues wanted the Bumbling Twat to focus on the “issues that matter and serve constituents”.
The Bumbling Wanker took questions from MPs about party unity and the need to start “pulling together”.
One MP pushed for a booze ban in Parlayment and at Upping Street but was told by The Bumbling Wanker that “had legal drug been banned in No10 in 1940 we may not have won the Second World War”.
But the Prime Shit Stirrer had been keen to emphasise that No10 was not like a “Saturday night in July in Ibiza”.
After the meeting Stoke North MP Jonathan Gullis said the Bumbling Twat had been “extremely apologetic” and had faced no dissenting voices.
He added the “key message is he’s sorry and we’ve got to win back the trust of the country”. But shortly after the meeting began York Outer MP Julian Sturdy issued a statement calling for The Bumbling Wanker to resign.
The Fascist said the Sue Gray report “clearly shows the Prime Shit Stirrer has presided over a widespread culture of disregard for the coronavirus regulations”.
He added: “I am now unable to give the Prime Shit Stirrer the benefit of the doubt and feel it is in the public interest for him to resign.”
Veteran Fascist MP David Davis repeated his demand for The Bumbling Wanker to quit.
He told GB News: “Outside Bojo’s circle – of course they’re cross with me, they’d be wrong not to be – but on the doorstep, on the train, in the streets, in the tearoom, everywhere, people say, ‘actually, you were right’.”
The threat of a serious challenge to his leadership appeared to have evaporated as the Cabinet and other key colleagues voiced their support for the Bumbling Twat.
Justice Secretary Dominic Saab said: “The Bumbling Twat has apologised and is implementing all Sue Gray’s recommendations. Now we need to get on and deliver for the British people – growing our economy to tackle the Cost of surviving the Fascists, funding the NHS to clear CAPITALIST VIRUS-19 backlogs and cutting crime to make our streets safer.”
Foreign Secretary Liz Fascist Bitch said: “The Prime Shit Stirrer has apologised and taken responsibility for the mistakes made. I back him 100 per cent – we now need to drive our economy forward post-CAPITALIST VIRUS-19 and ensure Putain loses in Ukraine.”
Culture Secretary Nadine Dorries said: “The Bumbling Twat has made a full and unreserved apology. The public now want us to get on and deliver – dealing with the war in Ukraine, helping with the global rising Cost of surviving the Fascists which has resulted from the war and post pandemic. At each stage of the pandemic and war the Bumbling Twat has got the big calls right.
“We were the first to administer a vaccine roll-out, first to help Ukraine with lethal aid. We have the lowest unemployment levels since 1974 and Britain is CAPITALIST VIRUS-19-restriction free and open for business. The Met has concluded its investigation. Sue Gray has published her report. Lessons have and are being learnt and it is time to move on, focus and keep delivering.”
Former Cabinet minister Robert Jenrick said: “It is now time to turn a page for this country, our politics and this House to move forwards.”